


You’re a Very Good Boy

by Rainyday_Rainbow



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Boys In Love, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss, M/M, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-25
Updated: 2019-02-25
Packaged: 2019-11-05 05:07:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17912564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rainyday_Rainbow/pseuds/Rainyday_Rainbow
Summary: Michael is determined to show Jeremy how truly amazing he really is...





	You’re a Very Good Boy

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! So this is a fic that I got an idea for while listening to Rainydayaudios! I hope you enjoy!

Jeremy sat, shaking as though he were having his own personal earthquake, hugging his knees tightly to his chest and pressing himself further into the corner of his bathroom. The tears wouldn’t stop, flooding down his cheeks in steady streams, blurring his vision almost completely. Whenever he felt like they were coming to an end, like the dam was drying up, he would feel a sharp shock run up his spine and more water to pour. It hurt. It hurt so much. He just wanted it to stop. 

He stood up, and glanced into the mirror that mocked him, that completely and utterly lived to destroy him as it showed him his messy, brown locks of hair that was only comparable to a rats nest and his sickeningly pale face that always made him look like he was sick with the flu or some other kind of virus. And then he would look up to meet his own reflection eyes, staring disapprovingly back at him with those dull, blue orbs that always seemed to be watery and bloodshot these days. The mirror would show him all of this and more. It would show him much more than his ugly clothes or his embarrassingly thin and feeble frame, more than his disproportionate body or his deadpan face. 

No, it would show him the faded ghost of a memory, the tall, commanding presence of his long gone friend. Let him hear the firm voice that he had listen to every single day, the voice that commanded him to repeat stupid but true phrases whenever he saw fit. He saw the figure now, standing behind his weak self and grabbing his boney shoulders as he leaned down to whisper, telling Jeremy to repeat as he had before. 

Jeremy’s breath was all but gone at this point, but habit drove him to speak whether he could or not. “E-Everything a-about me is… I-Is just t-t-terrible…” He stumbled out, a few hiccups interrupting him along the way. He saw the Squip’s smirk of approval, and obediently continued. “Every...Everything a-about me makes me…. M-makes me…” A hideous sob tore itself from Jeremy’s already raw throat before he could finish, and he wrapped his arms tightly around himself, forcing his eyes away from the mirror. “I-I…”

Jeremy gasp as he felt the pain wrack throughout his back and heard the sharp hiss of the figure’s command resounding within his skull, pushing through the mess of thoughts that was already attacking him. He sucked in as much of a breath as he could, and slowly turned back to the image before him. “E-E-Every… everything about-about me make me…” His voice became barely audible. “M-Makes me wanna… d-die…”

Jeremy felt something snap, and he leaned back against the wall, his legs giving out as he slowly slid back down into a sitting position, pulling his knees tighty to his chest and hugging them with strength he barely possessed. He somehow managed to say the phrases once again before breaking down completely and burying his face in his arms, sobbing like the weakling he knew he was. 

“Jeremy?!”

He slowly lifted his head as the familiar voice of his best friend broke through the haze of his mind. “M-Michael…?” Why was he here? Why was he… oh, that’s right, Jeremy had called him right as the episode was starting. Freaking called him up sobbing like a child throwing a tantrum. How the heck could he have done that? Why would he freaking do that?! Who knows what Michael was thinking now… but… right now, he just wanted so badly to be pulled away from all this… that… he didn’t care how broken he looked. He needed Michael. He needed his Player 1. He slowly looked towards the bathroom door, flinching when he heard his bedroom door fly open and hit the wall with a bang. Jeremy heard Michael searching around the room, and he tried to open his mouth to call to his player 1… but, nothing came out. Nothing but a soft, and utterly pathetic whimper.  

Luckily for him, Michael knew just where to look when he saw his friend wasn’t in his blanket cocoon on the bed or hidden in the darkness of the closet. He hurried over to the bathroom, testing the handle to see if it was locked. He sighed in tremendous relief when the knob turned and the door easily opened, knowing Jeremy was one to lock himself within rooms when upset. “Jeremy…?” He tested softly, lowering his tone as far as it would go while still being heard as he took a step into the bathroom. 

Michael froze, deep hazel eyes filling with a range of emotions as they locked onto the fragile, huddled up form in the corner, looking straight into the broken, blue eyes that pleaded at him for help. The heavy bags under Jeremy’s eyes popped against his light skin, and right now, Michael swore he’d never seen the tall boy look so small before. 

“Oh, Jer…” He cooed softly, moving over to his friend as if he were approaching a frightened fawn. He’d seen many of the episodes Jeremy had due to the Squip, and had even helped Jeremy through most of them, whether it meant hiding in one of the school bathroom’s during lunch, or just talking with the boy over the phone for hours upon hours after midnight. But… today was different… today was bad… 

He had to be careful with this. 

Michael slowly crouched down beside Jeremy, leaving a few inches between them, lest he frighten the boy even further. “Hey, buddy…” He tilted his head a bit when Jeremy curled up tighter and averted his eyes, trying to make eyes contact again. He was quiet, debating about what the best course of action was for this particular episode. He figured that moving off the bathroom floor and back into the bedroom couldn’t be a bad start. “Hey… can you look at me for a second?” His tone never became forceful, carefully articulating his request so that it didn’t come off as a harsh command in to shaken boy’s mind. Michael smile softly when Jeremy once again allowed him to gaze into those baby blue eyes. “There you are… Do you maybe wanna move onto the bed?” He slowly extended a hand. “I can’t imagine the bathroom floor is very comfortable.”

Jeremy slowly tore his eyes away from Michael’s too stare dully at the hand he was offering. He wanted to take it… he wanted Michael to lift him off the solid ground and help him. But he couldn’t move. His body felt like it was weighed down, refusing to obey his mind’s desperate command to take his friend’s kindness and cling to it with everything he had left. But he only sat there. Staring at Michael as though he were an alien to him. 

Michael’s soft smile faltered, and he slowly retracted his hand to place it in his beloved hoodie’s pocket. “That’s okay… your bathroom is a pretty neat place to hang.” He slowly sat down, still keeping a bit of space between the two of them. He kept his gentle gaze on his friend, smile melting completely as his expression morphed into one filled with concern and sadness. “Okay… talk to me, Jer… please…”

Jeremy didn’t know what to say, his mind to battered and bruised by the thoughts ricocheting around within it to come up with any normal kind of response. So, he told Michael, responding to him the same way he’d been responding to the Squip. “E-Everything about me… m-me is j-just terrible…” He choked down a sob, squeezing his eyes shut. 

Michael’s eyes widened and he instantly shifted onto his knees, facing Jeremy as he reached out to take his shoulders in a gentle and concerned hold. “Jer, Wh-What?” 

But Jeremy continued before Michael could say anymore, tone becoming flat and dull, in response to Michael’s emotion flooded voice. “Everything about me makes me… w-wanna die…” the last part was said in a hushed and ashamed whisper. 

He didn’t look at Michael, to afraid of his response… too afraid of seeing the realization and agreement on his face to even think about trying to even open his eyes. 

However, Jeremy gasped as he he was suddenly drawn into a warm embrace, pressed tightly against Michael’s chest as surprisingly strong arms wrapped around his shoulders in a secure hold. He felt Michael grip at the back of his baggy shirt and his warm breath and soft hair as he pressed his face into the crook of his pale neck. “M-Michael…?” He managed to stutter out weakly when he felt hot tears drip onto his shirt. 

“Don’t you ever freaking say that again.” 

Jeremy flinched at the extremely firm tone, and was only held tighter. “Wh-what…?”

Michael’s firm tone melted as quickly as it formed, and he shuttered against the boy he was supposed to be here to comfort. “Please, Jer…. please… don’t…. don’t ever say something so awful ever again. Please…” Michael could hear the fear and desperation in his very own voice, but he couldn’t bring himself to care, just pulling the broken boy closer, as if he’d disappear the very moment he let go.

“I…” Was all that Jeremy could get out. So, he just slowly moved his heavy arms up to wrap them weakly around Michael, nuzzling into his chest and the red hoodie that covered it. He couldn’t help the broken sob the ripped itself from his lips as he cuddled into the protective embrace that was being provided to him. 

They stayed like that for a while, simply wrapped in each other’s arms, both trying to give comfort and assurance to the other while also pushing through their struggling minds. Jeremy’s arms soon became weak, and his grip on Michael began to loosen as he leaned heavily against the other. He was so tired… tears drying up as the familiar numbing sensation swam throughout his body. He cuddled up more, almost positive that Michael had noticed that change in atmosphere, 

Jeremy tensed ever so slightly when Michael shifted him, but quickly responded in bringing his arms up to wrap them weakly around Michael’s neck when he felt an arm being placed around his shoulder and under his knees. He was thanked for the quiet warning Michael gave him before he was lifted off the ground, and gingerly carried out of the bathroom. Jeremy glanced up, stomach twisting in guilt when he saw the tears on his friends calm face, and his slightly dogged up glasses. He shuddered brokenly, and he knew Michael felt it because he was pulled closer, and buried his face in the crook of Michael’s neck, unable to look at the pain he’d brought once again to his friend. 

Michael slowly carried his friend over to the bed, mildly concerned by how light he felt, but deciding to overlook it for now and just focus on the boy’s mental state, which was clearly in far worse condition. He sat down, placing Jeremy down beside him gingerly while still keeping a soft arm around him. Michael allowed the silence to play out for a moment, just watching Jeremy sadly as he leaned against him, head resting gently on his shoulder. Michael sighed softly, brushing a hand through the messy brown hair, and softly spoke up, “Jer…? Buddy…?” He waited for any kind of response, but continued when he received none. “I need you to listen to me… okay?” 

Jeremy hummed lightly in response, right now just trying to focus on the gentle and soothing hand running through his hair in order to ground himself a bit. 

“I don’t want you to say those awful things… Ever.” He pulled Jeremy slightly closer, his gentle actions never stopping. “Because everything about you is absolutely wonderful.” Michael felt the other stiffen in his arms, but he continued anyway. “Everything. I mean it. Everything from your fluffy hair to the way you dress and your loveable, clumsy personality.”

Jeremy shook his head weakly, burying himself further into Michael’s embrace. “M-Michael, I’m-I’m not…”

Michael gently shushed him, resting his chin on top of Jeremy’s head. “You are a very good boy.” He whispered sweetly, feeling the boy shudder brokenly in his arms. “Better than half the people at our school, and I won’t let you tell me otherwise. And I want you to know that I am truly so proud of you… and how strong you’ve been…” He continued to coo gently to Jeremy who wanted nothing more than to stop Michael, and tell him all the reasons that he was wrong. But he couldn’t, so he stayed quiet, slowly allowing Michael’s voice and actions to soothe him. “You’ve done fantastic… You’ve worked so hard… and you have been such a good boy for me.” He paused, blushing slightly at his own words but pushing past it for the sake of his friend. “For everyone.” He stopped his actions to pull back and gently cup each of Jeremy’s tear-stained cheeks. He slowly lifted the others face until they were once again making eye contact, soft brown gazing sadly into broken but calm blue. “It’s absolutely wonderful to see.” Michael offered a smile, and was actually surprised when Jeremy slowly returned it.

“I-I… I-I…” Jeremy stuttered, forcing himself not to look away. “Th-thank you, Michey…” His voice was weak and watery, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. He just needed Michael no know how much this meant to him. 

And at the same time, Michael needed Jeremy to know how much HE meant to him. How all of this wasn’t just empty words and dull emotions. He needed Jeremy to fully understand. 

Michael gazed into Jeremy’s flushed face, noting how his eyes were beginning to shine with the light he was so used to seeing once again, and how the small upturn in his rosie lips was genuine and real, reaching every corner of his face and making him glow. 

“Jeremy…” Michael called in a hushed whisper, bringing to face cupped in his hands closer to his own, stopping when he their soft breathing mixed in between them, and when he could feel electricity race throughout him and startle awake the butterflies in his stomach. He needed Jeremy to know. He needed Jeremy to see. He needed Jeremy to believe how wonderful he was. And he was going to be the one to open his eyes. 

Jeremy slowly lifted his eyes to meet Michael’s, his expression was intense, eyes boring into his from behind his glasses, and almost threatening in his mind.

For a moment, Jeremy thought maybe he was angry, and that instantly made his entire body seize up with fear as the all too familiar feeling of shame poured over every part of him, starting in his face and working its way down. But, just as he was about to yank away from his friend, Michael pulled him forward, his rich lips crashing onto his own in a gentle yet passionate kiss. Jeremy's eyes widened, and he froze before responding quickly in a way that surprised himself. Michael's mouth was so warm and inviting, the caress of his lips softer than Jeremy could have ever imagined. He felt Michael's hands move to the back of his head, tilting his head upward to deepen the kiss in a hungry manner, seeking more, and Jeremy instantly responded by bringing his hands up to wrap them around Michael's shoulder and pulled him as close as humanly possible.   
       Michael could feel the heat radiating off of Jeremy's cheeks and that only served stoke the hot fire of desire that had begun to settle in his belly.   
       Their lips parted when air was needed, but their faces remained inches apart, eyes fluttering up to lock in a passionate and loving gaze.   
       "W-Wow..." Jeremy panted out, hands now wandering through Michael's soft and fluffy hair.   
      "Wow." Michael echoed, lips morphing into a deeply pleased smile.   
      "I-I... I n-never... I-I just thought..." Michael silenced him immediately as he pulled Jeremy in for another hungry kiss that he was happy to return. Michael pulled away first this time, leaning close and nuzzling Jeremy's face affectionately and peppering every inch of his face with gentle butterfly kisses that were small but full of love. He was going to show Jeremy how wonderful he was... he was going to show his player 2 how beautiful and perfect he was in every aspect... and how Michael needed him more than anyone else.   
      He was only encouraged when the most delicate giggle sounded from Jeremy's soft, upturned lips, causing his heart to melt. "My wonderful, perfect, good boy..." He cooed, pecking Jeremy's nose. "Everything about you is simply amazing. And I love every part of you, Jeremy Heere. I love you..."   
       Jeremy felt his heart flutter, quickly deciding that the fresh tears in his eyes were from nothing but absolute joy that couldn't be contained. "I-I Love you, M-Michael Mell..."   
       And that was it, the words Michael had been longing to hear for years, the words that made his entire day, his entire world. Jeremy Heere loved him... so now, it was time to make Jeremy love himself.   
       Michael pulled Jeremy into another secure embrace, noting how the other instantly curled up to him, fitting perfectly into his arms.   
       It would be hard.   
       It would be a journey.   
       But Michael loved this boy.   
       And he'd work a thousand hours until Jeremy loved himself as much as he loved him.   
       But for now. They would just sit, basking in the afterglow of their love. Enjoying one another's presence and warmth.   
       For now they'd be happy.   
       For now they'd be okay.   
       Because they had each other.   
       And that's all they'd ever need.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I cried a little bit while writing this 😅


End file.
